If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
