Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
