dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
