Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
