ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
