guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think pants incapable of making pants work
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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