If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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