obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
smell my finger.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
