please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
