I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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