Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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