The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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