You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
