he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
