the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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