Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
