I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
