he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
