and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
