My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
