Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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