Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
