She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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