I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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