I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
