I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
