His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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