so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
