That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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