Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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