so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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