My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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