Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
