shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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