My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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