His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
