How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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