Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
