I wish I could punch you in the face.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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