It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
