I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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