I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
