McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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