We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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