My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i already hear my dad disowning me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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