the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
