Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
