Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
