I feel great
I just peed on a car
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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