ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
