idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
