he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
